|I miss you
||[24 Apr 2013|02:23am]
My livejournal. We were so tight.
||[24 Jun 2012|12:58am]
sup lj? shout out to my lj wife
Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj_username=waitforme>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
<br>sup lj? shout out to my lj wife <lj_username=waitforme> and my Southside Queen <lj_username=luvtohate>
|First post of 2010: Random Thoughts
||[29 Mar 2010|05:24pm]
Taking Back Sunday's original line-up is getting back together.
I hope Facing New York gets back together, and Matt Fazzi joins them.
I hope I get a second job soon so I can take singing lessons all over again. Or maybe move on to guitar. I miss LAMAS. For various and obvious reasons haha.
Doing my taxes and seeing how much I'll get back gave me hope about my studio plans. The best part, I'm aware that I'll have the money, but not really excited or looking forward to it. That means I won't be tempted to spend it. At least I think so.
I bought Pokemon Soul Silver in hopes that I'd spend time being nostalgic with the music and all... but not really. It's a great game. I can't wait to beat it, but the killed the music by making it too fancy!
Twin Suns has been taking a break to write. And I'm glad. We needed that.
I've been writing. I popped open a notebook from my semester at PCC. Found stuff I knew was there, but avoided acknowledging it because of the contents of it all. There was one song that I started writing in my "overly elated phase".
Amazing what one girl can do to you.
Sometimes I want to tell people: Don't let someone in to your heart unless they let you in first, but then I think, well, who's gonna let anyone in if no one lets them in first?
I ALWAYS tell people "follow your heart", yet I'm not doing it myself.
I'm hiding inside this shell, wishing I could step out, but I'm afraid of getting hurt by the one thing I want to step out of the shell for.
What I won't do is ignore my heart.
I guess I'm doing the same thing as a man with a great, but fucked up car. He won't sell it because he's going to fix it, eventually. But won't fix it because of the hard work, and (possible) shit he might have to endure. Ok maybe a bad metaphor...
I get what I'm saying.
There's one thing constantly on my mind. I wake up, boom. Before I go to bed, boom. In the middle of a conversation, boom. Any "Friends" reference, boom. My new songs I'm writing, boom. John Legend's "Evolver", BOOM.
Strange how 2 weeks or 3 or a small time span can feel like a lifetime for certain things.
I wish I didn't think so much. I wish, I was more confident in everything I did. With time spent, I shine in everything I do. People aren't like that. We want everything pre-package and ready.
I'm the same.
This is the world for us.
This is life.
One day, I'll be able to take any unfortunate event, stare at in the face, laugh, and step over it.
The problem is, nobody can help us do that. We can only help ourselves.
||[31 Dec 2009|10:42pm]
I have mixed feelings about this year.
It's easy to look at all the bad stuff and just hate the year.
But there's SOOO much to look at and be thankful for.
-I finally got my own room. 20 years of living in the den or with my sister, I finally have my room. I know it's a luxury not everyone has and most people probably never will. If that's not enough, I have a living room with it too. All which will double as my studio. I got my first custom built desk after the room was completed. Everything fell into place.
-I finished a set of recordings that set the bar for anything I was to release in the future. Despite that fact that only a select few have heard it, I'm really proud of that.
Allen Casillas/ Me Llamo Sol split WILL be released this coming year.
I actually RELEASED something I recorded, and that was Twin Suns' "Searching For A Reason"
Sure, it has it's flaws, but I'm proud of it. And all the work I did for it. Few people realize all the shit I went through trying to get that EP done. I made myself broke for a month just trying to get enough microphones. I used broken sticks, old dented drumheads, and extremely cracked and broken cymbals. But you wouldn't know that, would you?
-I finished my first semester at a Community College. After a year of just talking about doing it, I actually did it. And I managed a full-time school schedule with a part-time work schedule.
-I FINALLY started taking singing lessons like I've wanted to for the past 3 years. That school has opened a host of possibilities in my many areas of interest in my life.
Not limited to music either, but for the most part, they've helped me shape my music and take a different approach to writing.
-I spent an amazing 2nd year at Greenwood Elementary, mostly with my kids (who I miss dearly). There's no feeling like the one you get when you know that you made a difference in a child's life. I still very much want to be an elementary school teacher, especially when I remember the great times I had with those kids. Seeing their faces light up when I would walk in the room was always a great start to my day. I'll never forget Angel's first good day, and all the compliments I was getting that week for all my work. Skateboarding to work, getting fed, crushing on subs, meeting interesting subs, Mrs. Pacheco, who I got really close to, and Maribel, who always made me laugh on a daily basis. The spaghetti talks, dirty language in the Comp Ed office, wasting time in C-2 making wall decorations, playing kickball with Eryn in empty classrooms, field trips, being a chaperon, getting stalked by 2nd graders, HAVING MY OWN CLASSROOM AND BEING A TEACHER ON MONDAY THROUGH THURSDAY. When I left, I was soooo sad. Stupid school schedule... but it was time.
-Getting my hotel job back! It came at the right moment. I literally left that school, and started back at the hotel the week after. Everything was falling into place then.
-Speaking of falling: I saw her face, and I became a believer. Crushing like I've never crushed before.
-I lost some friends, but made new besties: Coreen, Eli, and Heather. These people mean soo much to me now, it's just nuts. Coreen and Eli... what can I say? They brought out the child in me again, and made it ok! I felt at home with them from the get go, and meeting their amazing families just made me glad to have made friends with them.
Heather, f'ing BFF forever? haha. From the first work shift I kinda figured we'd get close. You know, I just "know" these things. Her crazy ass, random, childish, but mature way of being has this infectious way of getting to you.... and I'll never forget the day we both cried to each other like little melodramatic teens. These 3 kept me sane and smiling when nothing else would this past fall.
-Who could forget the Turtles little party stunt? Meetings, organizing, and drinking! Beer pong, parties in garages on shitty speakers. THE TWO HUGE PARTIES WE THREW! Fuuuuuck, getting compliments the whole about how our party was the best they'd ever been to. The male camaraderie was nice. The support we all gave each other. The acoustic shows, making beats, rapping. Good times.
-Playing Stars for the Arts. Goodness, that was just a life changing night. That night made me reconsider giving up on music and it's the reason I'm doing everything I'm doing now (or at least, preparing for it). Ford Amphitheater! Green Room! Food Spread! Interview! Dressing room! 30 minute long sound check! Jacinto! Zack (or Jack), performing with Eli, Eddie Spaghetti, making fun of Coreen, getting dubbed Turtle by the choir kids.
-Joining choir. Who would have thought being in choir with a bunch of 12 year olds would be so fun?
-My trip to beautiful Puerto Vallarta. And amazing San Sebastian. With the beach, and the mountain, the forest, taking taxis at 4am just to get drunk, smoking that muk (not), in the back of the truck, standing up, straight not giving a fuck!!! Meeting amazing, and welcoming family. Telling taxi drivers that Donovan and I were nephews of one of the guys running for president, clubbing, seeing Alex pick up, 10 cent arcade games with every game possible, good food, and the best birthday gift ever... not one, but TWO Flans!! Homemade by two different aunts. Yuuuum.
-Seeing RX Bandits and Gavin Castleton in San Luis Obispo. Awesome fucking night!!!
-Getting a real piano from free from some dude that used to go to LAMAS.
-Breaking my writer's block and writing my catchiest song to date "The Killer Crush"
-Clab moving back to Washington. There are nights where I wish he was here to give me his 25 year old advice. I had awesome times with that guy. I miss him, and 2010, I will visit him.
wait, how about I skip the bad stuff and look forward to a good year!?
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!
|I broke down again
||[18 Dec 2009|12:18am]
Except this time the trigger was a bad feeling in my stomach.
I got really dizzy then I crouched into a ball and cried until I didn't feel like crying anymore.
My breathing sped up and I couldn't control it.
Then, it was over.
I feel better now.
It's been over a year and half since I had a breakdown like that.
It was sooo sick, Charles Ponce would have been dancing to that shit.
Moshzilla too. Like this
|New Twin Suns song
||[24 Oct 2009|05:05pm]
I'm really stoked on the new Twin Suns song. We're recording it in parts, which lets me experiment when certain recording techniques.
I really wish I took more pictures...
First thing I wanted to try was taping a small condenser on top of the SM57 for the snare drum. My snare sounds never have all the brightness I wish they had, so I wanted to tape a condenser on top to capture all the high end, while the SM57 captures all the body of it. I've seen Ryan Baker do it every time we miked a kit, so I wanted to try the same.
Problem is, the 2021 doesn't have the high SPL capability to be able to handle a close miked snare. It distorted right at the capsule. BUT it made for an interesting overdriven snare drum effect.
Here's a picture of the snares and toms
Those are all the pictures I took.
I also made an attempt at a drum tunnel for the kick. Probably not as effective as the real thing, but might have helped too.
I stuck the Beta 52 deeper in the kick than I usually do, to get more of the click sound. Great results. Love it.
I used the Audix i5's I bought for guitars for the live Twin Suns demo on the toms, and they sound fantastic. WAAY better than a 57 for a tom.
Under the snare, I used an Audio Technica AT6 something. idk what it's called. It's one of Danny's mics. It's a hyper cardioid mic so it rejects more from the sides, which helped since the kick was right next to the mic. I did get some snare rattling when the kick hit, but that's ok.
I'll fix that ONE day.
Lonnie has this MXL mic that is extremely overhyped up. Always happens with cheap mics. BUT as a room mic, it's always cool. It ends up picking up more highs than close miking does.
And concerning the room... I wanted less reflections, so I left the garage door open. I can't hear birds or dogs barking in the recording, so that's good. One day when I treat the walls and garage door, I won't have to leave it open, but for now, we'll record with the door open. It's pretty neat.
Remo Powerstroke 3 on the kick, Evans EC2 coated heads on the toms, and Remo Emperor coated on the snare.
Next up: Guitars. I'll try a condenser with a dynamic. Either i5 or SM57. Idk yet. xavierafterglow is gonna help me with guitar tones. I'm stoked.
Be on the lookout!
Lion's Den opening June 2010!
www.myspace.com/twinsunsmusic for some current songs, and when the song is done, it'll be up there too!
Maybe I'll post drum clips... hmmm....
|Download a new song of mine
||[01 Sep 2009|01:49pm]
My close friends have heard it, and now it's your turn.
"The Killer Crush" by me (Allen Casillas)
It started out sweet, Yea you'd think it'd be neat
but honest to god I didn't think, that I would fall knee deep in the hole
they call love
Yea I thought it would be funny to make my new work route
work so that I could pass by the veins of your heart
and just maybe I'd wave hello
Teachers, they'll point out the obvious
but you'll, you'll never know
just what they mean
when they point out the things
I wouldn't want you to know
if only I can toss my fear out
then I'll be willing to shout
my true intentions and the reason that I'm here
I'll try real hard to make sure I sound sincere
but only if you really want to know
We should find some time, so I can show you
I got four hours to spare
I haven't been able to function since the day met you
and all of my friends say I could get you yes they say that it's true
just based on the accounts I haven't been able to shut up about
and I, I hope it's true all things that they say
because it's getting so hard to live like this each day
without much of a conversation with you
if only I can toss my fear out
then I'd be willing to shout
my true intentions and the reason that I'm here
I'll try real hard to make sure I sound sincere
but only if you really want to know
We should find some time, so I can show you
I got four hours to spare
I'm thinking maybe it is time to get some bravery
speak up and make you mine that is considering
you'll even waste your time with a boy like me
and I've been taking my sweet time to make sure I do things right
so when I finally ask you out you surely won't put up a fight
and just maybe you won't say no
and I hope you don't
shoot me down like a plane in the sky
cuz babygirl you got me feeling so high
please please baby just put me to work
being with you will the greatest perk
|Everything Must Go
||[01 Sep 2009|12:25pm]
You quote the good book
When it's convenient
But you don't have the sense, no
You don't have the sense
To tie your tangled tongue
Instead you're slashing through the mud
This song is sooo intense.
It's a beautiful song.
I don't know why either, there's nothing special going on. And the words hardly mean a thing to me
|So I was wrong, you guys were right
||[28 Aug 2009|03:02am]
I FINALLY got the guts to ask for the number of the girl who I've had a big crush on for months.
We've been sending each other text messages everyday. Sad part is, now that this whole recording/ mixing thing is gonna blow over, I start school next week.
such is life
I'm really proud of my work. I did a great job if I must say so myself... being drummer/ engineer/ producer/ mixer at the same time is hard work.
We got a show tonight at No Future WORD!!
||[23 Aug 2009|05:27pm]
I'm standing on the edge of the hole. I really wanna fall in.
|It's getting down to the wire
||[14 Aug 2009|08:14pm]
I've decided not to write what I truly feel, I'll just say this...
It's time to look out for myself. No more holding back for someone else. No more feeling weighed down by other people.
Again, if I'm to fail, I want to be the blame. Because I know I can rely on myself to fix it.
|This past weekend.
||[09 Aug 2009|02:54pm]
So Last night's party was pretty cool. Aaron and I played acoustic sets. I hadn't really practiced or touched my guitar WHATSOEVER.
My guitar playing was terribly off on one song, I hadn't touched any of those songs AT ALL. (It feels like a drag to practice them)
But stoked that my sing was kinda spot on with the exception of the first song. I was still trying to get used to singing my own songs in the beginning of the set. But that just shows me I've been learning alot in my singing lessons. I gotta make sure to thank Marisa, my singing teacher, when I see her. I found out she wont be giving private lessons anymore since she got a job teaching a high school choir. She's soooo awesome, and picky, which I love because she's getting me to shoot for my best.
Anyway, I was happy with the show because I knew if I HAD practiced, it probably would have been the best performance I've ever had.
I tracked Danny's sax parts and vocals on Friday, for the Twin Suns stuff and I was being very picky, but he was being very supportive of the fact. I even helped him out with some of the higher notes. I was stoked. Marisa HAS helped alot.
You know you've learned something when you can teach it.
and I strongly hate when my band gets mad at me for being picky with bad notes, and bad timing.
I have to disagree with them and say "no, bad notes aren't cool, you aren't being original"
But they feel they are. And I'm only one person to disagree. Besides, I'll prolly get over it.
After the party last night, and after a great conversation with likewordvomit, I felt different.
I saw things through a different set of eyes. I felt different too.
I wish I could really explain why.
Are mature people just unhappy people?
People could say I'm immature, childish... you know I'm into things kids are into. But I'm happy with that, I'm perfectly fine with that. I feel when I do "adult" things like just be boring and stand there I'm unhappy.
I like to run, play hide and go seek, play Pokemon.
I have great respect for strangers and I'm courteous and polite. (that has nothing to do with maturity)
I have great grammar and spelling and punctuation except I like to overuse the word "and" when I blog. (nothing to do with maturity)
But here's my point...
wait, I have no point. People that just suddenly decide to "be mature" are dumb. I take back alot of things I've said recently.
Be yourself, don't try to fit to anyone's mold. Most importantly,
GROWING UP IS OVERRATED
Oh yea, I'm 20, and I've never had sex. Nor is sex on my top of the priority list.
GET THE FUCK OVER IT. You love it? Great, that's fine, but don't try to dump your "you're young, just fuck" philosophy. It's senseless.
Is inebriation REALLY for everyone?
and no, I'm not talking about Steven last night, getting so shitfaced he had his head sunk into his knees for two hours and then blowing chunks 4 times till his stomach emptied out... it was his night, I woulda gotten shit faced too.
I'm talking about people who are so happy, they look stupid.
Maybe I'm just jealous they were having such a good time while I just thought about alot of stuff.
Gotta love life.
New chapter in life.
Growing old. And balancing the inner child with life's priorities.
With that I include not being scared around Zaira. Heeeyyyyoooo
( Look at meCollapse )
|I don't get it.
||[02 Aug 2009|04:00pm]
How do you put all your focus and revolve everything around one person and spend every waking moment with your boyfriend/ girlfriend?
I think I'd go crazy if all my focus was on one person and didn't hang out with my friends...
maybe it's because I'm so used to being around so many different people
||[13 Jul 2009|07:11pm]
Let's restore Livejournal back to it's old 2004-2005 glory!
I forgot how to do everything...
tag another user, lj-cut, someone link me to some neat stuff to show me how!
(Like LJ FAQS hahaha_)
|on my mind
||[30 Jun 2009|06:32pm]
-I can´t be apart from an instrument for longer than 3 days
-Dreaming about ex-girlfriends and good times with them is not good
-I wish LA worked the same way PV does. I can be out at 4 and get a taxi home, buy food, drinks, and NOT be broke. Everything is so cheap.
At the same time, I realized the worth of 10 cents. EVERY PENNY IS WORTH SOMETHING. IT ALL ADDS UP!
-I don´t miss home, I miss certain people. To be very honest, not very many people. To be even more honest, hardly anyone. I got all I need here. (with very few exceptions)
-I´ve had alot of time for thought.
-I´ve been here at this Internet cafe for an hour... I bet everyone left without me.
-I need a job, or more gnarly ass editing jobs.
-I want to fall in love.
-I saw Transformers 2 last night, shitty plot, but it was entertaining. Heaven scene was stupid. WHY WOULD THE PRIMES TALK TO SAM WHEN HE´S DEAD!?
|Music Music Music
||[20 Jun 2009|10:35am]
NOTE:If you're reading this from my Facebook page, read it from my livejournal. It has all the line breaks for easy reading. www.deja0entendu.livejournal.com
I hate Pro Tools, when bouncing down, you have to listen to the whole song in order for it to bounce.
Why can't it be like Audition, or Cubase, where it just does it in 30 seconds.
What if the song you're working on is a 30 minute masterpiece?
Long entry ahead, READ ON!
( Read more...Collapse )
|Life/ Rant/ Read!
||[30 Apr 2009|07:09pm]
I realized I haven't posted a REAL update on life.
I finished recording the split EP with A-ron that I've been talking about oh soo much.
Next step. Honestly, I'm lost. I'm over it. I don't really know what to do with it. The thing that's been running through my mind... I'm gonna get it pressed AND THEN WHAT!?
We sell it? Who's gonna buy it? Close friends are gonna expect free copies, and close friends are really gonna be the ONLY ones interested in buying it. I spent ALOT of time recording it, but as of late I'm just OVER IT.
I haven't been able to write and finish a new song in the longest time, and it's kind of annoying.
I'm trying to think of the best way to put out the CD as best as possible without being cheap, but without putting too much money into it because I know, NOONE IS GONNA GIVE A SHIT.
Who wants to buy acoustic music anyway? Unless you're slightly famous and come from a well established band.
I can't push my music on Christian's either. That would be the easy thing to do, but I don't praise god on any of my songs, and I use his name in vain. And lie to him.
I mean, I love the Anthony Green CD as much as the next guy, but it bugs me to see/ hear "Fuck Avalon is SOOOO amazing. It's the best record EVER"
It's ok. It's a good solid album, but it's also a bit repetitive. I can't listen to it more than once in a week. It gets old FAST.
aHe's unique, I love his voice, but it's nothing amazing. BUT it is something unique that NOONE should try to replicate. You'll fail miserably. Anthony Green has such a distinctive sound.
Circa Survive wouldn't be the same without it. (but at the same time Circa Survive's music is f-ing awesome.)
And BECAUSE of Circa, and him being in Saosin (plus the fact that there is ALWAYS some sort of argument about Green-era Saosin being better yadayadayada) and him being seen as some god-like figure,
people listen and say "fuck yea man, this is amazing. Such an amazing record"
(Although, I do like the old demos, old versions of songs, Good Ol' War version of "Dear Child")
It's a bias we all have towards AT LEAST one artist.
(Kinda like how I suddenly have high hopes for Taking Back Sunday's future now that Matt Fazzi is in the band.)
I sadly don't have that advantage. I feel most of my friends support me because they're my friends, and mildly like the music, but if I wasn't their friend they wouldn't care.
I could think of a couple of my friends who go to my shows, but who don't stop cracking jokes and say they're kidding, when I have a feeling they're not. It bums me out.
But I get it, what's so great about watching a dude with a guitar sing about a girl while making references to events noone knows or cares about?
It's only meaningful if you were there, or knew what happened, and most people who do probably just think "and how long were you two together?"
I feel like it's obsolete sometimes. Like I should stop trying. Acoustic music is sooo hard to get people to listen to.
Especially when you got people listening to garbage like Millionaires, or Brokencyde or Breathe Carolina.
You know something is wrong when you have labels fronting money for shitty projects like that, and little 12 year olds are singing along and dancing to some shitbag screaming "Lets get freaky now, lets get fucking freaky now" like a moron.
Although I'm not blaming them for MY lack of success, I'm just had to throw in that there is some wrong with people's taste in music.
But I guess the good part in all of this, is that it's all personal.
The songs, the references, my performances, the places I play at, the way I reach out.
I CAN'T go around plugging my music in every conversation I get into, it annoys me when people do it to me.
"Oh, what'd I do today? I bought a sweater. Check out my band! ADD US! FOLLOW US ON TWITTER, ADD US ON FACEBOOK"
at least not in EVERY conversation I get in
I think I get more excited with my new band. Musically it's something I've been wanting for a while now.
There's only so much you can do with acoustic music before you start doing the same thing.
("There's That Side Effect..." being the last song I wrote, I think sounds too much like "Like A Blow to the Head" the 3rd song I wrote)
The name is Twin Suns and consists of some of the most talented musicians I've known for a while.
If I threw odd time metering parts at them, they'd get it in a heartbeat.
Notably, Lonnie (the singer/lead guitarist) is a fucking awesome singer and guitarist. His solos are the shit, and lyrics aren't stupid and repetitive.
Danny (sax/ keys/ vocals) is a dope sax player. Just have him stand there listen once, and think of the best sax part to fit there. On the newer songs, (especially the newest) I get chills when he comes in for a solo.
I am beyond grateful to be in a band with those two talented dudes.
Twin Suns also marks my return to drums in a band. I'm learning things on drums by just playing with them. I think that's my favorite part. We're also finally comfortable with each playing styles and I'm excited for you all to hear what we've been up to.
And REALLY excited for you all to see us live.
I've been taking singing lessons which have improved my live shows drastically. I'm doing a recital singing an italian song which I totally fell in love with within the first 2 chords of hearing it.
Although I think I'm singing an octave below. Oh well.
I got a call asking me if I'd be down to play drums for a band on Warped Tour. I'm giving up Mexico to do it. It's fucking Warped Tour. I get to see the country (and Canada). My first tour and it's gonna be a 2 month long one. I still have to try out for the band, but they heard Twin Suns and my older projects and liked what they heard.
I FINALLY talked to Tim Pagnotta from Sugarcult again. He just received copies from the Sugarcult live in Japan DVD. And he has a copy for me. After 6 months of hearing nothing, I get a copy of the finished product that I worked on. So excited to hear/see it. I spent seven 14 hour days editing drums for that. I learned sooo much through it. And got 500 dollars in the process.
School in the fall is looking more like an option and less like a necessity if things keep going the way they do.
I'm excited to see what my future has in store.
And it wont have a girl in it either. I'm too smart for that.
...or am I?
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