Allen (deja0entendu) wrote,

First post of 2010: Random Thoughts

Taking Back Sunday's original line-up is getting back together.
I hope Facing New York gets back together, and Matt Fazzi joins them.
I hope I get a second job soon so I can take singing lessons all over again. Or maybe move on to guitar. I miss LAMAS. For various and obvious reasons haha.

Doing my taxes and seeing how much I'll get back gave me hope about my studio plans. The best part, I'm aware that I'll have the money, but not really excited or looking forward to it. That means I won't be tempted to spend it. At least I think so.

I bought Pokemon Soul Silver in hopes that I'd spend time being nostalgic with the music and all... but not really. It's a great game. I can't wait to beat it, but the killed the music by making it too fancy!
Oh well.

Twin Suns has been taking a break to write. And I'm glad. We needed that.
I've been writing. I popped open a notebook from my semester at PCC. Found stuff I knew was there, but avoided acknowledging it because of the contents of it all. There was one song that I started writing in my "overly elated phase".
Amazing what one girl can do to you.

Sometimes I want to tell people: Don't let someone in to your heart unless they let you in first, but then I think, well, who's gonna let anyone in if no one lets them in first?
I ALWAYS tell people "follow your heart", yet I'm not doing it myself.
I'm hiding inside this shell, wishing I could step out, but I'm afraid of getting hurt by the one thing I want to step out of the shell for.
What I won't do is ignore my heart.

I guess I'm doing the same thing as a man with a great, but fucked up car. He won't sell it because he's going to fix it, eventually. But won't fix it because of the hard work, and (possible) shit he might have to endure. Ok maybe a bad metaphor...
I get what I'm saying.

There's one thing constantly on my mind. I wake up, boom. Before I go to bed, boom. In the middle of a conversation, boom. Any "Friends" reference, boom. My new songs I'm writing, boom. John Legend's "Evolver", BOOM.

Strange how 2 weeks or 3 or a small time span can feel like a lifetime for certain things.

I wish I didn't think so much. I wish, I was more confident in everything I did. With time spent, I shine in everything I do. People aren't like that. We want everything pre-package and ready.

I'm the same.

This is the world for us.
This is life.
One day, I'll be able to take any unfortunate event, stare at in the face, laugh, and step over it.
The problem is, nobody can help us do that. We can only help ourselves.
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